Thursday, November 11, 2010

Week 10 picks: Thursday games begin

By Jeff

Why are there Thursday games in the NFL? They suck. They're on the NFL Network, they conflict with my Thursday night television schedule (Watch Community!) and they are unfair for the teams that have to play them. The league is asking players to only have three days between games. The same league that says it's concerned about player safety. Let the hypocrisy that is the NFL continue.

Speaking of continuing frightening trends, I went a stellar 4-8-1 last week. That puts me at 53-71-5 at the halfway point for the season. If I were a head coach, I would have been fired three weeks ago. The big miss last week was New England covering the spread against Cleveland. In my defense, who saw that disaster of a game coming? With a quarterback matchup of Tom Brady vs. Colt McCoy, it seemed obvious who the victor would be. One more reason never to support or trust the Patriots. Belichick probably had money on the game under the alias Lucifer Beelzebub.

Week 10's picks are below and the home teams are in caps. By the way, I was too busy making fun of Jets fans to actually put in the line last week. I was picking them to cover and they didn't. Double fail.

ATLANTA (PK) over Baltimore: This should be a fun game. You have a lot of young talent on the Falcons offense and a lot of old talent on the Ravens defense. You'd think that would be an advantage for the Falcons, but that old defense of Baltimore is playing tough. They aren't getting a ton of turnovers, but opposing teams aren't getting a lot of points. Unless they're the Buffalo Bills. What?

Maybe he isn't getting targets
because he's missing the huddles.
INDIANAPOLIS (-7) over Cincinnati: Anyone else see Chad Ochocinco crying Monday Night? It's probably because he has more reality shows (3) than touchdowns this season (2). Burn!

Houston (+1.5) over JACKSONVILLE: It's weird seeing the Jags favored in any game. I don't care if it's at home against a struggling Texans team. And this is why my picks are atrocious this season. Instead of looking closely at each game, breaking down film and analyzing trends, I look at the players on each side and say there is no way David Garrard passing to Mike Sims-Walker and company should beat the Matt Schaub-Andre Johnson combo. Nevermind Garrard is coming off a great performance and Houston's secondary sucks. That stuff doesn't phase me.

Tennessee (-2) over MIAMI: Chad Pennington is back baby! That means Miami won't attempt a pass over 15 yards. Looking back at the numbers Kyle Orton is putting up in Denver, Brandon Marshall is probably banging his head off a wall somewhere. Or stealing footballs from children and punting them. And to be fair to Marshall, I can't honestly say I've never been tempted to do that.

Minnesota (PK) over CHICAGO: Old and busted Brett Favre vs. Younger, not nearly as good Favre. I'm taking old and busted Favre. Both coaches are probably going to be canned at the end of this year, so that adds a little more urgency to the game. Deep down, you know Chilly and Lovie are just trying to outlast the other one. They might already be trying to line up defensive coordinator positions for next season.

Not the reaction the Lions were expecting
when they told Stanton he was starting.
Detroit (+3) over BUFFALO: OK, the Lions are probably going to be starting Drew Stanton at quarterback, and no one should ever place money on Drew Stanton. But I just don't like having an 0-8 team favored to win. Plus, all it takes is heaving the ball up really high and letting Calvin Johnson go and get it. Is that really so hard?

New York Jets (-3) over CLEVELAND: This game better not be on TV. Seriously, don't even think about it, CBS!

TAMPA BAY (-6.5) over Carolina: Tony Pike might be starting this game for the Panthers. Tony Pike. All Steve Smith fantasy owners thought Matt Moore was bad. Tony Pike. That name only strikes fear into the hearts of Pitt fans. Low blow?

Kansas City (PK) over DENVER: Clock is ticking on Josh McDaniel's job. Not even Tim Tebow could save this man's job. But then again, I think Tebow is a false prophet. I could just see Daniel Day Lewis forcing him to admit as much. If you didn't see "There Will Be Blood", you saved two hours of your life, but didn't get this reference. Take the good with the bad.

St. Louis (+6) over San Francisco: The Sam Bradford Rams have yet to win a game on the road. The 49ers have won two games in a row. So why am I picking the Rams? Because I told people Troy Smith and the Ohio State Buckeyes were going to crush Florida in the National Championship game a few years back. I tend to hold grudges for long periods of time against those who have wronged me. Just ask any of my ex-girlfriends.
He's about as exciting as the
Cowboys this season.

ARIZONA (-3) over Seattle: Ugh.

NEW YORK GIANTS (-13.5) over Dallas: Is anyone on the Cowboys trying anymore? Anyone? Bueller? Yeah, that line was funny 20 years ago when the Cowboys were consistently good. Burn No. 2!

PITTSBURGH (-4.5) over New England: Homer pick. The Patriots are coming off an embarrassing loss to the Cleveland Browns. They are going to be up for this game. Then again, the Patriots haven't played a quarterback of Ben Roethlisberger's caliber this year. No, Brett Favre, Mark Sanchez and Joe Flacco are not at Roethlisberger's level. They don't extend a play like he does. I expect him to exploit the Patriots secondary.

Philadelphia (-3) over WASHINGTON: Michael Vick vs. Donovan McNabb Part II. OK, the first showdown wasn't very exciting. Vick got hurt early and McNabb played poorly. It didn't come close to living up to the hype. Now, McNabb has Rex Grossman lurking in the background and ready to take over the 2-minute drill. How can the Eagles take this game seriously when there is a possible Grossman sighting?

The Clash - Garageland