Report: Cats would eat you if they were big enough

By Jeff

Despite giving you cute looks and trying to cuddle with you, reports are coming out that your cat could be plotting your demise.

Recent studies from the International Feline Research Center (IFRC) have found that household cats would eat their owners if they were big enough to do so. The study was done over the course of five years and included more than 1,000 cats and their owners.

"What we're finding is truly terrifying," IFRC head researcher Donald Nelson said. "Owners for all these years have thought that cats are showing love and affection, but in reality, they are just testing our reactions and trying to figure out a way to make us the main course."

A recent IFRC study found that
cats want to eat us.

Scientists and the general public have known for years that hunting cats likes tigers and lions will eat people from time to time, but it was believed domestic cats were harmless outside of scratching their owners with their claws. The IFRC's not only show that cats want to eat humans, but they are slowly making progress toward their goal.

"While house cats aren't big enough to eat us right now, they are adapting to do so in the future," Nelson said. "In our trials, we noticed cats would start nibbling at their owners' fingers and toes. A week later, the same cats were moving their way up their owners' arms and legs. We're not that far away from them using their claws to cut you, and then go after your organs."

No conclusions have been drawn yet about how long it will take for cats to figure out a way to eat their owners. Some scientists think it's at least a century away, but others think that day is only a few decades away. Their findings show that crazy cat ladies are the most at risk, as they share close quarters with up to 30 cats. The elderly and small children are the next populations most likely to fall victim to cat feeding frenzies beause they would have a harder time defending themselves.

"These women you see on television who take in dozens of strays are in real danger," Nelson said. "If house cats keep evolving into more efficient killers and eaters, these women are going to find themselves as the main course at a feast. Hopefully they see this research and make drastic changes to their lifestyle for their own safety."

Many cat owners refuse to believe the IFRC's findings. They see their cats as members of the family that would never bring harm to anyone, let alone eat them. Some owners are not willing to take such a risk.

"Once I heard Bubbles wanted to eat me, I gave him away to my mother-in-law," John Sanchez said. "No way I was going to let him eat me, but if anyone deserves to be eaten by a cat, it's her."

PETA released a statement claiming that even if the findings are true, cat owners should not abandon or give away their cats. PETA's stance is that humans eat other animals and that it's only fair animals start returning the favor.

PETA was contacted for additional statements but they did not return calls. They were probably too busy trying to stop a dog from taking a flea bath.

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