Narrowing down where Moss will land

By Jeff

The Minnesota Vikings officially placed Randy Moss on waivers yesterday, making him available for NFL teams to place claims on him until 4 p.m. today.

Go ahead. Scream "Wasssuuuup".
I know you want to.

What's this, one of the best receivers in the league was waived? Well, Moss hasn't been very inspired this year. He only has 22 catches for 313 yards and five touchdowns. The touchdowns are nice, but the other stats are mediocre for a player of his talents. If you've watched him this year, he likes to just stop running if the play doesn't involve him. Adam Schefter is spending the next six days reviewing tape to see if Moss has actually blocked at some point this season. That's what insiders do, and they do it well.

So where is Moss going to end up? I have no clue, but that won't stop me from breaking down the likelihood of the other 31 teams in the league picking him up. The percentages may add up to more than 100 when all is said and done. Math was never my specialty.

He's not hurt. Derek Anderson just likes a good
 cry in the middle of a game.

Arizona Cardinals, 0 percent chance: They already have a stud receiver whose skills are being wasted because they don't have anyone that can get him the ball. How would adding another help or make sense?

Atlanta Falcons, 0 percent: They don't need him and the attention he would bring. Right now they have a great core that is putting the team first. Roddy White, Michael Turner, Tony Gonzalez and Matt Ryan don't mouth off to the media. They just play football, and they have been rewarded with one of the best teams in the NFC.

Baltimore Ravens, 7 percent: That offense that was supposed to be unstoppable prior to the season hasn't been. They have been OK. If they pick up Moss and give him an extension, expect Anquan Boldin to demand a new deal. He tends to do that.

Buffalo Bills, 5 percent: Because that Terrell Owens experiment worked out so well last season. I'm shocked Lee Evans hasn't had to miss time due to depression yet.

Carolina Panthers, 10 percent: They need another receiver. I know they have receivers other than Steve Smith, I'm just struggling to name them because I'm not sure they have any catches this season. There is also the added bonus of Smith possibly punching Moss in the face. He tends to do that.

Chicago Bears, 0 percent: Who wants to play with Jay Cutler? Anyone? Didn't think so. By the way, I was really hurting for a quarterback in a fantasy league this week. I resorted to picking up Cutler. He still sucks.

Cincinnati Bengals, 25 percent: This situation has Cincinnati written all over it! Pick up another receiver who has worn out his welcome every where he's gone. Maybe it will take away attention from Carson Palmer's poor play for another week.

"I didn't know Colt McCoy was only
this tall when I drafted him!"

Cleveland Browns, 1 percent: Eric Mangini probably wouldn't mind have Moss on the team, but Mangini has zero power in the organization. Mike Holmgren has it all, and his attempts to help the team have included the signing of Jake Delhomme. So if Holmgren doesn't know what he's doing, how are we supposed to?

Dallas Cowboys, 5 percent: Jerry Jones tends to overrate wide receivers' value. See Williams, Roy.

Denver Broncos, 0 percent: Josh McDaniels wants to show he doesn't need Bill Belichick, or anyone affiliated with the New England Patriots, to be a terrible coach who will be fired at the end of the season.

Detroit Lions, 0 percent: This bumps up to 50 percent if Matt Millen has a hostile takeover and resumes his roll as general manager.

Green Bay Packers, 5 percent: The team realizes the mistake they made years ago when they didn't trade for him and snatches him up. Then they remember that it's their running game and general team health that's been holding them back and they just wasted millions on a guy who doesn't seem to care anymore.

Houston Texans, 2 percent: Gary Kubiak could make a last ditch effort to make the playoffs and keep his jobs. Then he'll be stuck watching his secondary get torched for 400 yards-per-game and start updating his resume.

Indianapolis Colts, 5 percent: Their receiving corps. is all kinds of busted up. Dallas Clark is out for the season, Austin Collie is out a few more weeks and Pierre Garcon forgot how to catch balls thrown at his chest. Peyton Manning is also the type of player that could get Moss on the same page with the team like Tom Brady did when Moss first arrived in New England. There is also the added factor of some great commercial potential from a Manning-Moss duo.

Jacksonville Jaguars, 0 percent: Does anyone actually care about this team? Seriously. Anyone?

Kansas City Chiefs, 2 percent: Could Moss be the piece of the puzzle that gets them to the second round of the playoffs? He and Matt Cassel played well together that year in New England when Brady's knee was destroyed. Cassel should be pulling pretty hard for the Chiefs to sign Moss. After all, Moss is the reason Cassel was viewed by other teams as a starting quarterback.

Miami Dolphins, 0 percent: Brandon Marshall has behaved himself this season. They wouldn't risk screwing that up, would they?

Minnesota Vikings, 1 percent: No one picks Moss up, leaving the Vikings to just send him home and try and forget they wasted a draft pick on him.

For all of you wondering who the next
Batman villain is, here's a clue.

New England Patriots, 25 percent: I'm going to channel my inner RJ here with a conspiracy theory I couldn't help but come up with. The whole New England was upset with Moss and vice-versa was a diabolically clever ploy by the most diabolical mind in pro sports, Bill Belichick. Before the season started, he got together with Moss and told him to lash out at press conferences about his contract. Then they spread the other rumors, like Moss and Brady getting into over their haircuts. Finally, they trade Moss to the desperate team for a draft pick, where he will act even more disgruntled than he did in New England. Said team will then drop him, and all the other teams would too afraid of his attitude to pick him up, effectively allowing the Patriots to grab him again along with a third round pick. You can't tell me that's not something Belichick would come up with and execute without a second thought!

New Orleans Saints, 0 percent: They don't need a stud with the way Brees spreads the ball around. Marques Colston's fantasy owners are all banging their heads against a wall right now.

New York Giants, 0 percent: Nothing witty or analytical here. They just won't do it.

New York Jets, 5 percent: I'm not saying they would play him, but they might try to foil Belichick's diabolical plan. Rex Ryan is kind of a dick like that.

Oakland Raiders, 0 percent: Even Al Davis has to remember what a disaster Moss was in Oakland.

Philadelphia Eagles, 0 percent: Having Michael Vick just bomb the ball to Moss could actually work. And it would make Philadelphia even more hated than it already is. Sounds like a win-win but makes too much sense for Andy Reid to pull the trigger.

The Steelers' image may be slipping.

Pittsburgh Steelers, 0 percent: Not because the team doesn't have players of questionable character on the team, because they definitely do. It's because they don't bring those guys in from outside. They're all home grown.

San Diego Chargers, 2 percent: Why not? This team is destined to underachieve. At least let Phillip Rivers have a chance to break the record for passing yards in a season.

San Francisco, 0 percent: Moss would serve no purpose on this crappy team. Although, it would be fun to hear Mike Singletary's press conference after the signing.

The rest, 0 percent: I ran out of percent and this post is already too long.

Dropkick Murphys - Captain Kelly's Kitchen