Week 7 picks

Last week was ugly. While I finished 8-6, most of those 6 were horribly off. And let's be honest, when you don't factor in the spread, you should finish above .500 every week. I blame the Philadelphia Eagles. Those bums lost to an Oakland Raiders team that didn't attempt 20 passes the week prior, even though they were down at least 20 points for most of the game. How did the Eagles not manage a touchdown? Mind boggling. Well, let's get on with it.

Biggest hit: I'm going to say it was a tie between the Arizona Cardinals 27, Seattle Seahawks 3; and the New England Patriots 59, Tennessee Titans 0 - The Cardinals were on top of Hasselbeck all game, preventing the Seahawks' offense from clicking. The man was 10-for-29 for less than 120 yards and two turnovers. The shootout that many analysts and reporters expected never showed. Considering how poorly I did with some of the other picks, I just want to relish this one for a bit.... Thank you.

I had the Titans scoring some points, but other than that I was pretty much spot on. Tom Brady lit up their secondary (is there a bigger understatement). What I didn't expect was the Titans literally quitting. Would you have been surprised if the team literally hit the showers during halftime and didn't bother coming out for the second half?

Biggest miss: Oakland Raiders 13, Philadelphia Eagles 9 - Ummm, what the hell!?! When I predicted a 50-6 Eagles' romp, I was only partially joking. What I was really thinking was 42-6. When JaMarcus Russell has the most touchdown passes in a game, something has to be wrong. Seriously, that whole 2012 apocalypse might be sooner.

An honorable mention would be New Orleans Saints 48, New York Giants 27: In my defense, I said I had no justification for predicting the Giants to hold the Saints to 17 points. But to miss it by 31 points is pretty ridiculous. These Saints are Super Bowl contenders. Drew Brees is great and the defense is for real. That was the last time I pick against them. Time for Week 7.

Disclaimer: The Cleveland Browns, St. Louis Rams and Tampa Bay Buccaneers games will not be mentioned beyond this point because two of them are finishing 0-16 and the Browns are finishing 1-15 (way to go, Buffalo).

Houston Texans 31, San Francisco Giants 21: The only reason this one is within 10 is because Frank Gore is back and practicing without limitations. But it won't be enough for a Texans offense that has realized that their best chance at winning is throwing the ball around 40 times a game. Expect another 300-yard three-touchdown game from Texans quarterback Matt Schaub.

Kansas City Chiefs 24, San Diego Chargers 21: Upset special, baby! This Chargers defense is a mere shadow of its former self. Shawn Merriman hasn't been the same since his steroid use. Coincidence? Probably not. I see Dwayne Bowe and Matt Cassel hooking up all day and Larry Johnson rushing for his first 100-yard game this season.

Pittsburgh Steelers 24, Minnesota Vikings 21: Jeff Reed will hit a winning field goal, down a beer and then punch a security guard in the face. Meanwhile, Matt Spaeth will urinate on Brett Favre's leg, causing mass hysteria and laughter in the stadium. Also, with Antoine Winfield out, Big Ben is going to rain death upon the Vikings' secondary. Quick question for all of you out there. Who has the most receiving yards this season? Not Randy Moss, Andre Johnson, Reggie Wayne or Larry. It's Hines word with 599. He doesn't even have ACLs!

Oakland Raiders 13, New York Jets 12: The Sanchise has hit quite a rut. After getting picked off five times by the Buffalo secondary last week, expect the Jets rookie qb to continue to struggle. I feel like this pick is an apology to the Raiders last week for disrespecting them as much as I did.

Carolina Panthers 10, Buffalo Bills 2: I feel sorry for anyone planning on attending or watching this snorefest.

Chicago Bears 17, Cincinnati Bengals 10: Matt Forte will not fumble this game away. He will bounce back for 100 yards on the ground and the game-winning score. If the Bengals never won another game, I would be a happy man.

Atlanta Falcons 27, Dallas Cowboys 13: The Dallas offense is mediocre this year. They are not slow out of the gate, or just slumping, they just are not that good. Meanwhile, the Falcons are looking great since their loss to the Patriots. Michael Turner has four TDs in in his past two games and Roddy White is has broken for long touchdowns the past two weeks. Combine those two with Tony Gonzalez and Matt Ryan playing well, and you have a NFC title contender.

New Orleans Saints 38, Miami Dolphins 13: The Wildcat is not going to save the Dolphins here. They are going to have to pass the ball, and do so effectively, if they are going to have any chance at keeping up with the Saints. Then there is the mediocre Dolphins secondary that Drew Brees will shred. How much do you think the Dolphins are regretting signing Daunte Culpepper a few years ago instead of Brees?

New York Giants 24, Arizona Cardinals 14: The Giants are going to get a lot more pressure on Kurt Warner than they did on Brees, and Kurt tends to turn the ball over when he fears for his life. This will also be the game where Brandon Jacobs breaks out of the funk he has been in all season long. He's due.

Philadelphia Eagles 28, Washington Redskins 7: There are very few teams in the NFL I would pick the Eagles to beat this week after the stink bomb they laid against the Raiders. It just so happens the Redskins are one of them. Jim Zorn will probably be coaching high school football at this time next year.

Going Underground - The Jam