Pre-game? It sucks - but I'm still anticipating the game and mostly just using details (that Chris Berman is able to fumble out of his mouth) to make smart bets (because I believe I could gamble for a living). What's that you say Marques Colston has a sore hamstring? Take the under on number of first half catches!!!
The Game? Always somewhat exciting.
The Commercials? These have also declined in recent years, but this is the first time you'll get to see commercials that you will fast forward through for the next 6 months! (Bud Light Beer House I'm looking at you.)
Post Game? Always an emotional moment. On screen, Drew Brees is sobbing tears of happiness. While off screen I'm sobbing tears of fear (not to be confused with tears FOR fears), because I actually love all of my limbs equally, and I do not want them to be broken because I may or may not owe my bookie thousands of dollars.
So that leaves the halftime show as the worst moment of the night. In recent years the NFL has developed some sort of life rejuvenation system to pump blood through the veins of Keith Richards, Mick Jagger, Paul McCartney and members of the Who (that last one is still up in the air, pretty sure they just stood their as someone played an mp3 of their songs on a Zune.) As you may be able to tell from the last line of all of our posts, most writers on this blog listen to classic rock like it's still even remotely relevant.
It is not. I'm not saying the music is bad (if you like to prove how big your ...ahem...is) or that I hate it (I'd rather wash my eyes with lemon juice than listening to Mick Jagger croon about how many ladies he's banged), but let's put on a show that people are interested in. I think even some of my fellow bloggers will admit that the shows are very lackluster. Hell, two years ago Springsteen had to use teleprompters to remember some of his words! That's just what I want to see... an old washed up celebrity reading during my halftime show (if I wanted to see this I'd turn on Reading Rainbow).
The point is this - I vividly remember the half time show when Nelly, Britney Spears, N Sync and Aerosmith all did a song together (mostly because of Britney's outfit - who knew football jerseys could be so sexy on half naked ladies). THAT was exciting, I remember this from 10 years ago - back when Springsteen was only 65!
So here is the solution: Justin Bieber. This is perfect scenario for the NFL. The Super Bowl is already the most watched show every single year, but who are the only people not watching? 14 year old girls. EVERYONE ELSE WATCHES. Justin Bieber will help bring this television viewing country together (even though he's Canadian) through his shockingly agile dance moves, a voice that's in the middle of puberty (like you wouldn't watch just to see if it cracks on national TV) and the anticipation of him possibly dying on live TV when a throng of girls rushes the stage to hug him. Now THAT is a Super Bowl halftime show.
So, I'm not quite sure how to say this, but who wants to get the "BieberBowl" Petition started?